Why is Change So Scary?

Change is often an unavoidable and necessary aspect of life, yet many people find it extremely difficult to face or accept. There are a variety of underlying causes for why people may be scared of change, often stemming from a reluctance to face uncertainty. Change can be overwhelming and as such, uncertainty creates a level of chaos and unpredictability, resulting in fear. Understanding the reasons being those fears can help with adapting and managing them for the future.

Fear of the unknown

We naturally use routine and structure to ground ourselves, yet when change occurs this allows room for insecurity and doubt to seep in. Along with uncertainty, change can also be emotionally unsettling. Lives can be significantly altered and this can cause distress especially if it's unwanted or unwelcome change. People can also feel embarrassed or apprehensive about having to learn something new or attempt to gain mastery of a new situation or they may be apprehensive about how this may impact themselves and who they are as a person.

Past negative events or traumas

A fear of change can also be fueled by memories of past events and experiences with change or by current vulnerabilities such as feeling overwhelmed or stressed. If a person has moved schools or jobs and found success, a change could likely be viewed positively; however, if the experience was negative, such as if a new job was unsuccessful, change may likely be seen in a more unwelcomed light. Events such as the death of a loved one, or a traumatic life event can result in a person becoming scared of change and not trusting that change could ever be positive.

Ultimately, our brains tend to revert to what they know and it takes a lot of cognitive effort to change the script and these shortcuts that we have already built up. And so we are more likely to fall back on the same patterns of behaviors and actions, even when we are conscious of repeating our mistakes. This phenomenon is called confirmation bias which is our tendency to confirm what we already believe in, rather than shift our mindset to incorporate new information and ideas.

Fear of loss

Fear of change related to loss is a natural response that many individuals experience. When we are accustomed to stability and familiarity, the thought of losing what we have can be unsettling. The fear of change can be overwhelming, whether it is losing a loved one, a job, or even a way of life. The fear of change related to loss often arises from the uncertainty of what lies ahead and the potential hardships we may face. It prompts us to cling to what we have, even if it may not be fulfilling or beneficial to us.

Change requires efforts

We all know it: behavior change requires sustained focused efforts. We all want to change some behavior, but we all get busy. And then the desired behavior moves farther and farther down our priority list as the day moves along until time runs out and we haven’t done anything. Sometimes, it’s simply easier to avoid change and accept the status quo.

How can I face change better?

Given the various triggers for fear of change, the best way to manage these feelings is to confront them. Acknowledging the root causes of our fears, learning to face them, and accepting uncertainty is the healthiest way to tackle it. Fears around change are often fueled by a fear of loss, confusion, lack of competence to achieve change, additional work this requires, or simply a lack of control for what’s going to happen next.

Starting by making small and gradual changes, instead of drastic and life-altering changes, can help ease the transition. A key element is before implementing even small and positive changes, you have to ensure that you feel good about it.

In order to sustain long-lasting behavior changes, believing in ourselves is paramount. The more guilty and ashamed we feel, and the more we try and hide our mistakes from others, the more likely we are to repeat them. When we are not feeling so down about ourselves, we are more likely to be better at taking on new information that can help us correct past behaviors.

Creating a positive mindset surrounding change and talking to close friends and family can help to work through more difficult and worrying times, often helping to support and guide decisions in the right direction. Meeting other people who have gone through similar experiences and who may be able to offer advice based on their experiences can help alleviate the loneliness felt during times of change. What works best for one person won't necessarily work for another, so there isn't one right answer when it comes to coping mechanisms—it's all about finding what works best for you.

Remember: change is hard. Uncertainty in the face of change can be quite scary, yet understanding why we fear change, and how to cope can help us how to successfully adjust to it and move forward. If you're looking for a change in your life, here are some additional tips:

• Be honest with yourself about what you're afraid of losing.

• Think about what's holding you back from making a change.

• Take small steps toward making the change (even if they don't seem like much).

• Set goals and make plans for how to achieve them.

If you feel stuck and want to start your change journey, contact me to see how I can help.